Why am I writing this?
I’m writing these pages in the hope that someone will read them and understand. And in the hope that if someone else reads them in the future, in the same state as me, they will feel understood themselves.
Not everyone understands addiction and I’m not even sure I do, what I do understand is that it’s hard. It makes you feel apart from people. Misunderstood. Helpless. Doomed to go through the same cycle of instant-cheap-gratification, pain, withdrawal, despair, fear, non-belief etc….
Today I had lunch with a guy who asked “Is it really that bad?” when I told him I was quitting Coca-Cola. The answer is “Yes”.
You might wonder why you bother trying to stop and other non-addicts might also wonder why you bother to stop. They’ll ask you: “What’s the problem? Just cut it down and be reasonable. Just have a drink in moderation.”
You know that moderation doesn’t exist. Whether it be food, Coca-Cola, cigarettes or any other substance that can hook you, for you, 1 is never enough. You might believe that it is possible to have only 1 today, but tomorrow it will be 2 and one day it will be too many. You’ll be back to lethargy, head-ache, misery, apathy and all the other potentially worse symptoms of addiction. Just like the movies, just like the junkies…
Maybe people around you will think that it’s not so bad to be addicted to Coca-Cola. “It’s not drugs” they might think. “At least you are not an alcoholic.”
Well it feels the same to me. A cycle of self-destruction that is bigger than me. That makes me feel bad.
If you read this blog and it means anything to you, I’m glad I wrote it. If it doesn’t, you’re at the wrong place..
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